What is the best water based pomade? Will it get me laid?
Sexual Dissatisfaction Is Inevitable When You Use A Greasy Hair Pomade That Stains Your Lover’s Pillow
I sense that you are searching for answers to questions about your hair. You have come to the right place.
Many men have travelled from near and far to visit my garage and ask me, Chopshop Charlie...
...WHAT IS POMADE?
The simple answer? In general, a hair product to style one’s hair. When inferior it’s greasy or waxy. When superior, it’s smooth and water-based. But what these men should have asked me, is what is the true purpose of pomade? I will tell you.
I have been in the company of great leaders: builders of empires and commanders of nations who appeared fulfilled on the outside, but were empty within. All of these men carried a shameful burden. Despite their admirable achievements, their pursuit of consistent coitus had been drastically unsuccessful.
No amount of land or wealth would ever let them fill that hole they so vigorously desired. It was so bad one man admitted to me that he had been married 13 years and had never even slept with his wife. Shocked, I immediately severed his head with my katana.
I asked these men, did you pay attention to your lover? “Yes,” they replied. Did you respond to her desires? “Yes,” they replied. But when I asked the question, did your hair product cause harmony in your relationship? They quivered and averted their gaze, drips of glistening, greasy product oozing from their widows’ peak.
Some men ran screaming from the garage, others soiled themselves. For you see they had been using poorly-made pomades their whole lives without ever asking, “Why?”
The entire reason they procured a pomade in the first place was to increase the frequency of carnal friction.
Pomade that leaves deep, grease-marked stains on the pillowcase almost guarantees that even the most noble hero will not be welcomed into a woman’s secret garden. Any warrior must equip himself with a haircare arsenal of the absolute best pomade to invigorate his wooing prowess. To secure corporal perversion, one must understand...
WHAT DOES POMADE DO?
- Washes out easily in the shower and is not greasy.
- Holds firmly from sunup to sundown.
- Is easy to apply and preserves your hair’s natural oils.
- Will give you the finish you so desperately desire whether that be slick, matte, shiny or wet.
The Mobsters Emporium possesses such water based pomade weaponry.
But Chopshop Charlie, they say, my hair is long and lustrous, will Mobsters still work for me? To that I say, CEASE YOUR HUMBLE BRAG! Regardless if you are styling with long, short or medium hair, Mobsters Pomade boasts expert proficiency.
Its tempting aromas will seduce your lovers and disarm your enemies, making both vulnerable for conquest. Though it is priced for all men to enjoy and women to appreciate, it is not cheap in any sense of the word. It is simply clean and effective.
You can be a good person. You can help those in need. You can become the leader of your community. But ask yourself, what does hair pomade do for me?” If you cannot answer, you will never achieve the ability to attract a mate to quench the bloody thirst of your samurai sword. Your victories will be impotent.
Now I am done with you, the answer to your question, “What is pomade?” has been fulfilled.